Hi Guys,
Well it’s finally here. 6 months gamble free!
I can’t help but compare this to dieting. I’ve always had the mind set that if a blew it for one day I was done. Like Carole said when i slipped I thought NO! There is no hope for someone like me! So many folks here posting encouraging words, tips, and empathy. I’ve never felt so supported and loved.
That may sound silly but I did not grow up in the most nurturing environment and thought it was just me-I was not likable. Being a freckled faced red head with curly hair made me stick out like a sore thumb, not to mention being one of the three "fat girls" in school. My mom always said she never worried about me. I was a tough take-no-bull kind of kid. She didn’t see it was all a front. I was just trying to survive the daily torment I faced, make a joke about myself before the others had a chance to do so.(more likely she didn’t know how to help me-she was a child of abuse too) That was another reason I all but encouraged my abuser to molest me. I wanted the attention, I wanted to feel special and wanted to be wanted. Heavy thoughts for an 8 year old I must say.
That being said I am "peeling the onion", I am discovering why I’ve made the choices I’ve made. I am discovering why gambling became so appealing to me, and why I loved it so much.
My one year at GT is just around the corner too. Feb 22th, the day I woke up wishing I was dead. I’m glad I’m not dead. I’m glad I got a second chance to make a life for myself, to find my "happy". Thats what I want. I think that’s what most of us want. Just to be happy. Rich, poor, thin, fat, none of these things mean much. Happy. Thats not asking too much!
And I am Happy for today, because of all you!
peace
bettie
