OK Saturday Part 2
I’ve been terrorizing the chat all nite, sorry guys! The FWB called again. So nice, so sweet, talking like we’ll pick up right where we left off. I went right along with it. I’ve missed him, yet we were not on good terms when he left. Long story short, he went out of his way to hurt my feelings, and I called him on it.
I have to stand up for myself, I just have to! He was always a distraction from gambling for me, he even went with me a few times, my treat of course!
I know what to do here. I can not let things go back to what they were between us. I am so tired of being someones dirty little secret. We are supposed to be friends. Really? His friends are around him at all hours, I can only come by after everyone is cleared out. We used to go to lunch, now he can’t be seen in public with me. Why? Because his estranged wife is the same age as my daughter and I don’t measure up. Not to mention that he’s still "with" her, when she’s willing to put up with his bull xxxx!
As sick as I am of my CG life I am even more sick of this one. This theme has followed me my whole life, even though I did NOT act on it. Girlfriends husbands have always been an issue for me. I must have the word "desperate" stamped on my head! The bloodsuckers can see an easy mark.
I am terrified that I will let him go and eat instead. If I just transition back to compulsive eating what have I accomplished here? Same sick way of dealing with a compulsive life. Sex, gambling, eating, drinking. Where does it stop? All escapism, all ways of checking out of this life that has become so worthless and un-fullfilling. Wasted space.
Why do I have to go through this at least once a month? I feel like the rug had been pulled yet once again. I almost feel like closing this thread, as you must be reading this and saying OMG, not this cr*p yet again? Does she ever stop whining??– 5/26/2011 3:13:59 AM: post edited by bettie.
