Wow! I am amazed at the commonality we all share. Bettie, your story is so helpful, and Lisa too, I guess the old story it takes one to know one really applies. Washington is different in that it is not state gambling but done by individual indian tribes on Indian land, so each casino is a separate entity. Fortunately, my limited driving scope, I really do not drive freeways hardly at all, keeps me local. But I will ban each casino, if I find myself finding ways to get there. I really appreciate the wisdom of your experiences. I know my resolve begins to morph into plot when I know I am going to be paid, or the weekend starts rolling around. I will plan to list reasons why I CAN’T gamble, ie need to save every penny for moving, need to prevent mental stress. Need to restore and retain the trust of my dear friends and family who are supportive of me, to name a few I can think of at this minute. The bf is planning to move out and I presume we will not maintain a friendship as this is too hard to do. I don’t want to hear about gambling either. If I hear someone lost money then there is a little tiny piece of satisfaction that I didn’t go and they did and see where that went, and if they won, then I would get the urge to try to win too. All of which is really not nice of me either way. I really need to focus on positive goals and new activities. I really need to see the small steps of regaining financial solvency as positive and instead, it seems like such a long road and so difficult to face, it is easy to fall back into the pity pot of self doubt and shame, etc. So, I am really trying to go one day at a time here. The bf dangled a bit of promise like what else would I like to do, but then tried guilt, not sure where he will go but he will be out of here. Then went to blaming me again, but I am holding strong, if he needed a week or two more to gather funds to move, then that is fine, as we have gambled together, but the bottom line is I need to regain my sanity and have some serenity in my home. I am gathering strength from all these conversations as well.
God bless each of you and hope to see ya on chat and have a gf day.
