Thanks Lisa, Bettie and everyone. I am glad I banned. I still am ambivalent about the bf thing. Financially, it would be helpful to share a space when I move, and I think I am afraid of being 65 and starting again. He is very enabling as well as not willing to give up gambling, he just hedges when we talk, stating he doesn’t know what he will do. I said I didn’t think I could drive to the casino further away as it is all freeway, and I get pretty anxious driving on the freeway for any distance (don’t ask me why, I don’t know) so there I threw out a subtle message, right!!!! Oh, the sneakiness of this disease, he offered to ride along, whatever I wanted to do. So we did drive up to that casino, it wasn’t total disaster, as I didn’t have much money with me, but I felt so stupid afterward, and angry with myself, cause I set that up. I know I will not drive there by myself and really didn’t feel comfortable about being there, so that was good.
Had a conversation later in day and told him I just can’t gamble, but I know if I suggest it he will agree, and if he plans to go without me to the casino I banned myself from, it would drive me nuts. Right now I need to surround myself with people who are gf and who won’t buy into my little tricks and give me a loving kick back to positive thinking. I am so strong with resolve, and then loose it so easily. I suggested it would not be good to share a apt when I move after the bankruptcy ,or whatever, under the circumstances as we both will enable the other and I need to keep trying to be gf. He agrees with whatever I say, he does not dispute it or make any comment, if I say we will share and only gamble occassionally, he would agree with that too.
Boundaries, boundaries, how do I make them and keep them. I think this must be my life lesson. am making the list of reasons not to gamble. I am making a list of goals. I am going to GA and coming on forum,doing group therapy when I can on line and it has helped alot. Trying to look forward. Thanks for being there, and keep on keeping on, everyone. Diva
