Good morning all, a Happy May Day!
In making plans for today to attend my granddaughter’s Spring program, it gave me thoughts to meditate on in making my Daily Pledge and how living gambling free provides for a better way of life. As posted there, "once we see the beauty that living gambling free brings we can then recognize and enjoy the many good things that had been buried by addiction". My going out of my way to attend tonight’s service is a complete reversal of my going out of my way and the deceit used to get out of similar occasions just to gamble.
This enjoyment of the better things in life is far better than the devastation the pursuit of the gamblers dreams or the escape from reality gave to us. Nevertheless, my doing this caused be to wonder if I am doing it to make amends for my past mistakes, or for merely the enjoyment I will share with my family. At first I told my granddaughter that I would not attend because had to work and would not get off in time to attend; the hurt on her face caused me to make changes and arrangements so that I could attend. That is when the realization that my past absence due to gambling caused her disappointment and that I did not have to add to those times by inconviences to me now.
Neither doing this for the enjoyment or for making amends is wrong, and both could even co-exist and be satisfied at the same time; but this conundrum that entered my thoughts shows me that the consequences of gambling can even in this small way still intrude on the benefits of not gambling. I have a long way to go in my recovery; it is a ODAAT process and only by not gambling for anything will I keep evolving into the person that I was meant to be.
Why I am posting these thoughts in more detail than in my Pledge I have no idea; maybe I just needed to see my thought process in writing so that it could come easier in the days to follow. Looking at our inter selves and thoughts, or as in the GA steps "making a searching and fearless inventory", is not an easy task, but honesty starts with us and includes being openminded to the reasons behind our actions. Yes, some things just happen without reason, but when reasons are there, we need to review them — keeping aware is a great tool.
God’s speed. Stay strong.
LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.
