February 13, 2011 – 18 Months Gambling Free
Good morning all,
It has been a while since I have posted to this topic but today is a good day to post to myself. It is good to have reached this milestone; not a milestone recognized with the mementos handed out at my GA meetings, but one for me nevertheless. For me it is a good time to reflect on the difference that being gambling free and working on recovery has made.
But first I would like to welcome any newcomers that I may have missed in the past few days due to unforeseen events, and apologize to any others that I have not replied to. To the newcomers; welcome to GT, my name is Larry and I am a compulsive gambler. My last bet was August 13, 2009 – 18 months ago. Use this site and the stories and advice found here to help guide your actions for you to be gambling free also. Find a recovery program or plan and stick to it. It works if you work it, it wont it you don’t.
To reply to another post asking how being gambling free has changed my life; I would say that my being here is the biggest change. I am here accepting the truth that I am powerless over gambling and that my life had become unmanageable, and that a power greater than myself could bring change about. I am here working on this change instead of denying my need for it, or justifying any hesitation or willingness to do what it takes for me to overcome the overpowering addiction of compulsive gambling – one of the most baffling insidious addiction known. It is a big change from the old addict that I had become to being a recovering compulsive gambler living a gambling free life.
The past week with ongoing events that have surrounded me for the past year has made me realize another change in my life. My brother died a little over a year ago, his daughter a couple of months ago, and now his willow has followed in death this past week. The change in me that I have noticed during these adversities is that I faced them head-on. And on a brighter side, this same change was also manifested during the many more joyful occasions that surrounds my life. I am now able to “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” – Romans 12:15. In the past I would have attended these funerals with a resentment for them taking from my time at the casino, and taking my money for flowers –that is if I had not have gambled it all away beforehand. Thanks to my recovery I was able to do the right thing for others and myself’; I was able to grieve and weep with my loved ones.
And like I pointed out above, I have also been able to celebrate and enjoy life and its glories adventures — rejoice with those that rejoice. I can partake in family and friends events without making up excuses lies to cover my absences or rushed departures. I can now enjoy the pleasant things that life holds; gambling no longer controls and replaces my happiness, or steels from the happiness of others, with the growing and continuing problems of the past that invaded most every department of our lives.
Another change in me that I can feel every day is that I no longer have to lie; I no longer have to live in fear of being found out, I no longer have to hide or deceive. I can be the person that I was intended to be.
And yes, there are some regrettable things that I can not change, but I have changed in that I can accept this and not live in guilt or self-pity; thanks to my Higher Power, I have the "serenity to accept the things I cannot change". "If onlys" still haunts me but, they or now memories, memories that may even still form a tear, but I now have "closure"; I do not dwell on the uncertainties of life, I rejoice in the adventures that do exist.
These are an outline of the benefits I have experience through recovery. They do not detail the everyday little things that bring on a smile or "butterflies in the stomach", the enjoyment of the beauties and wonders of nature, the bathing in God’s marvelous ways, or even the tears of happiness; they merely point out that I am living a far better life.
God’s speed to all. Work and practice your recovery. Let go and let God. Live a gambling free life. Live life.
Eighteen months — One Day At A Time.
Larry
Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.– 2/13/2011 3:09:30 PM: post edited by paul315.