Day 334
My name is Larry (screen name paul315) and I am a Compulsive Gambler, my last bet was Aug 13, 2009; 11 months ago.
Today is another day of celebration for me; it is also another day for me to face the fact that I am a compulsive gambler and that I cannot gamble for anything lest I fall back into the abyss that I escaped from. During the past months I have experienced some negative things, including a divorce and loss of a brother, that caused pain and regret; but I have also experienced joy and everyday happiness that helped be through the bad days. I truly believe if it were not for my recovery the adversities that I faced would have been far harder for me deal with and that I would have used gambling as an escape instead of facing them. Escaping destroyed my family life and marriage, I do not want it to take any of what I do have left.
I know that I remain vulnerable to the overpowering pull and attraction of gambling and susceptible to returning to its grasp. I also realize that if I should gamble again, that I would have to again make the choice between staying on a course to destroy my life and returning here and to GA and continue my recovery, fighting an ever stronger foe; for gambling is a progressive addiction, not one that lets up because it lies dormant over a period of time. I cannot gamble on making the right choice.
I have learned through the post and sharring of others and research of different studies concerning this addiction, that unless I Do Not Gamble For Anything during each and every day, that if I give in to an urge or whim, I will start a cycle of going back and forth between gambling and trying not to gamble. And even though I would be welcomed, and even expected to return, that this knowledge that I was still in recovery and that "slipping" was accepted as part of the recovery process – a roven fact and rightfully so, could also give me some reason to chance a one off try at gambling, to test myself or relive a temporary urge. Taking such action for myself would in itself be a gamble; I would not only be gambling some found or reserved money, gambling on destroying trust one time too many, gambling on hurting my friends and loved one – even putting the support of my daughter in jeopardy, I would be gambling my sobriety. None of this I choose to do so, to prevent any unwanted results, I Do Not Gamble For Anything.
These past few day have also made me think of my recognizing the changes in my involvement with events and everyday happenings from the present to my actions a year ago for each of these particular occasions; changing from blowing them off to participating in and enjoying them. Now that a year of sobriety and living gambling free is approaching, I will no longer have a "last year’s" comparison to make. I know that I could continue to say "two years ago I could not have done this, but hopefully I will be able to just enjoy such events with only a hint of remembrance of the wrongs of my past — remembering enough to keep me on track, remembering to not gamble for anything.
So for the rest of my "fiscal" year, so to speak, I will continue to work the steps of my recovery and allow the needed changes in my character to continue, for without these changes for the better I could not change my actions – if nothing changes, nothing changes.
God’s speed to all of you. Use your Higher Power to give you the strength to carry on gambling free, to live each day without gambling for anything, but nevertheless to carry on in your recovery.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be gambling free.
