Icandothis, just wanted to drop in and wish you well, really sorry to hear of your loss of your friend, you mention you could have been a better friend but in truth Ican everyone of us could have been a better person at some point in our lives towards friends & family and in turn we could also have been a lot worse, you were a friend and that is more than good enough, remember the good things and not the bad, I love the Priest quote about working on yourself in her honour that makes perfect sense to me.
Take care my friend and hope this finds you well, keep fighting, keep trying and never give in.
Maverick