P, thinking of you and sending you prayers. I have lots to do so I can’t write as much as I would like. You ask a very good question. One I ask myself. Why do I mess things up when I start to feel better, when things are going well? I know I need to ponder this in depth. But, I think for me, I still think I can have my cake and eat it too. When I start to feel better, I think that I can gamble and still have a good life, still feel good…function…etc. Why can’t I have this life and a little gambling, too? Unfortunately, it never works! I end up sabotaging my happiness.
