Well. Today I woke up after my fighting talkyesterday and felt a familiar energy in my belly and yes,the cramps were back. Lasted for an hour or two and then I hadtogoand see my work coach. Felt quite drained all day. As much as I wanted to go on the march to Downing Street I was not up to it. I will be with them in spirit. This Government must be brought down. My work coach could see I wasn’t all that so said that my main focus should’ve on being work ready and that I must fill in my work applications record on a daily basis. Even if it is to say i was not well or went for a walk etc. I am actually signed off as unfit to work and thought all this quite strange as did the labour party when I mentioned it. That people who are sick still have to go and meet with a work coach, the same as if they were on Job seekers. Focus was to get well and work ready. I agreed. I told Him about the Labour Party film I had participated in and said that government policy was evil to which he repeated after me, yes they are evil… hmmmm. Well I realised that I was feeling a little odd as it was 4.30pm and I had it eaten anything since an egg sandwich at midnight so I went and had a cheap macdonalds as that is all I could afford. I received a birthday card from my mum today with a cheque for 30 quid, bless her. I noticed the writing on the cheque was very squiggly and shakey, like someone with Parkinson’s so I am going to speak to her about that. Her writing has really deteriorated. Pete his usual grumpy self and pretty self obsessed. I suppose I could be accused of that too. I am determined not to let this addiction destroy me as I sure as hell helped it along that destructive path. I must have to accept that some days I wont be up too much. I can’t stand cramp in my belly though. My work coach said that it may be duethavingto go and see him. I said it wasn’t but it may well be related. My gut pain came back back when I had a set to on the phone with the bailiffs andtodaywhen I went to see him. I noticed that it is not directly linked to anxiety as I was not having anxious thoughts when it started today. The anxiety came when it started so a bit chicken and egg. Soiwill. Now do my Step work but I am not putting as much focus on it as I have done previously.
