Hi ya Tina.
I don’t mind you asking at all.
Firstly. I am a lorry driver I work for a bakery delivering to a big UK supermarket chain, I work nights usually delivering in London, but not always.
(That was the easy one, straight forward one. The rest, I feel, are a bit more complicated to explain).
The monkey/circus comment is one that another forum user, Maverick, once posted to me, I use it quite a lot, not just on GT, don’t think I’ll ever forget it. It’s certainly very apt to people like us.
On the fessing up it’s quite complicated. I’d gambled since I was 17 and probably for the next 15 years or so, rather than fessing up I’d just carry on until I was backed into a corner. I’d eventually run away from my life, I ended up going to prison 4 times in 6 years rather than face the music. I tried to strangle myself once during that period. I would rip people off left right and centre. When you were talking about gassing yourself, and reading JP’s thread recently it reminded me so much of that. I know that suicide seems preferable to coughing up when we’re desperate. It was a very real consideration to me more than once.
I’ve never “fessed up” to a partner, I never really wanted to stop gambling I’m afraid. Lots of stories I could tell Tina, as to what happened because I didn’t tell and the awful situations I left people in, but I’d be here all night.
I have several times though had to tell my parents. I lost my Dad six years ago and although when he died I had been living in recovery for about 8 or 9 months I gambled not long after. I knew I had to tell my mother I’d gambled again because by not telling her I was living a lie, since my Dad died I’ve spoken to my mother every single day. Once I’d told my Mam I felt I could start taking steps to rebuilding my life. I don’t know how my life would have panned out if I had been honest with my partners but 3 out of 4 of them that I have since spoken to, have all said the same thing. Much like Laura’s husband….I’m not the first person in the world to have this problem. They all said though that if I could have been honest with them we might have sorted things out and they would have helped me. Regrets….I’ve had a lot, but then again too many to mention.
I’ve ruined the majority of my life to date by being dishonest. The only way I’ve been able to get on the straight and narrow is by being honest, very honest sometimes to the most cringe worthy degree.
You’ve gambled a long time Tina, if you can get this done now you will be out of debt in a few years and can still lead a very rewarding life. I gambled nearly twice as long as you. When I was 18 I told myself as long as I stop before I’m 21. When I was 21 (and in prison for the second time), I told myself as long as I had stopped by the time I was 30. When I was thirty I said life begins at 40 I’ll stop then. When I was 40 I said 50 and so it goes on. Life passes us by and we don’t even realise.
Writing this makes me think of some Pink Floyd Lyrics,
“And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun”
I don’t know the best time to tell him Tina, but it may turn into a lengthy discussion, so I would allow for that. Life will continue to get in the way and probably make it harder to get round to. I would say the sooner the better.
I know the consequences of not telling him primarily from my own experiences, but also from reading the stories of the partners of Cg’s in the friends and family forum, and some people I’ve met from Gam-anon over the years.
I know the benefits of telling him by reading stories like Laura’s. The benefits of being honest I experience every day now. I’ve also witnessed a sort of metamorphose in a lot of recovering gamblers.
It could turn out to be the best Christmas present you ever give.
I’d hate to see you in my position Tina, and you’re halfway there time-wise.
It’s good to see your posts on other threads in the forum and I hope you can find the inspiration you need. No time like the present.
I’d love to say I havn’t gambled for years, truth of the matter is I bought some lottery tickets at the beginning of this year so strictly speaking that was the last time. Prior to that I gambled last December. Last year I gambled on and off, roughly every 8-10 weeks. Certainly not recovering between binges. Just abstaining and probably like you because I had no money. Each time getting closer and closer to where I had been in the past. I was in a coma 2 years ago and I never recalled any of my gambling antics for a few weeks. It came back to me slowly but once it was back it was back.
I do go a bit overboard on this forum at times, I just can’t emphasise enough the importance of being honest.
Who knows why any of us ever started gambling, who knows why we are the ones who turned out being addicted to it? We can all procrastinate ‘til the cows come home. That doesn’t change the facts.
To me its straight forward in some respects, when I was gambling, my dishonesty and low morals were taken to the extremes. In order to stop gambling I have had to completely change those things and it’s been very hard. Too hard I’ve thought at times. Even since my coma there’s been times I’ve wished I hadn’t come out of it. It would have been an easier option for me to stay dead (my heart stopped for 44 minutes). Something I’d longed for at times in the past. I had to literally fight for my life then Tina. I havn’t had the desire to gamble at all this year. When I said I’d put the lottery on it wasn’t really to quell any gambling itch. More because I couldn’t get back to work after my coma for a few months. I’d dare say I’d still be putting the lottery on now except for the fact I got back into a relationship with a former partner who is well aware of my gambling. She was my partner when I was in rehab 2009/2010. I didn’t want to have to tell her I’d put the lottery on. I make enough money to live on and can afford to save a little bit. I don’t handle my savings myself and have no direct access to them, I’ve been in that situation all year. It hasn’t hampered my life or lifestyle one little bit…I’m fairly sure it has helped enhance both though.
I know being honest has.
Time for work again Tina.
So I’ll wish you well, you’re always welcome to ask me anything.