Well Jansdad at least theres one good thing to come out of this I suppose. You’ll be telling your wife now about your gambling and recovery, I know that you’ve told us several times that if you gambled again you’d be telling your wife. I really think it will help your recovery no end. She might blow her top but she deserves the truth, (for better, for worse).
It’s no good crying over spilt milk, what’s done is done, you gambled and although you convinced yourself it was ok to lose 200 what you neglected to remember is that you’re a compulsive gambler and it’s never ok to gamble. You, like me, have a problem. You spent $2800 in a gambling session that must have started an hour or two after you posted on day 63. $2800 in a night, is just not normal, you could afford to lose 200 so how long is it going to take you to repay $2600? This is definitely something you should be discussing with your wife, otherwise you will be lying to her every day until that moneys paid back.
You’ve mentioned urges a few times recently and I wonder have you gone back to that book. You seem to have forgotten that whatever entices you to gambling is just an illusion of your mind, which has no doubt become a bit distorted when it comes to gambling and rational thinking, due to too many years of gambling.
Can’t believe you considered lying on here, lol, how would that help you. Support only really works when you’re 100% honest with it. I’m sure I’ve lied on this forum in the past, or at least conveniently forgotten to mention I’ve gambled. So I know from experience how it looks a viable option of course though it’s just another pathetic decision by an addiction tainted mind. I think the reason we do that is that we want to quickly forget what we’ve just done and don’t want to face the consequences, we want to escape from it, of course we know where the first port of call is when looking for an escape is. So that is why I think it’s important to talk to people and not hide from it.
Hope that you can see where you might need to make changes in your recovery plan, as you said you’d prefer to live without urges, and if you’re still getting urges you’re doing something wrong. Mind you it’s not really surprising you gambled, having dinner in a venue that hosts poker games. I wonder would you really have decided to have dinner there if you really wanted to stop gambling?
Thankfully I still havn’t had any urges this year, and reading your post just re-enforces to me how quick things can escalate and I am pleased it’s not me in your shoes.
Geordie.