thank you all for your kind and encouraging posts, i do read them, i am just very bad at setting time aside to write which i should as i think more than anything it is important to stay connected with every possible avenue that helps with recovery.
i am now at day 86, i really can’t believe i did 175 days before and threw it all away as it seems to be taking forever this time (not that i am wishing my life away)
therapy is still going strong and helps me to stay focused as when and if i get an urge i know it’s always only a few days away until my next session.
it is strange how we don’t really focus a lot on gambling yet everything we do talk about seems like it will eventually have a connection.
my las urge was on boxing day as everyone make a big deal about that day and i too used to look forward to it but it was just another day and i was glad i got through it without giving in.
i am still working every weekend, it’s not healthy but for now it gives me a sense of financial security, short term anyway, i still have feelings of utter fear that i can throw away all the hours worked, and therapy sessions that i have worked hard on in the last few months in a single weekend, i literally can blow that much that quick from a split second urge and bad choice and that really does scare me now, i am not sure if that is a good or bad thing but it stops me being complacent i guess.
it is nice to hear someone say that they haven’t gambled since last year, has a nice ring to it. keep it up and one step at a time we can all beat this chronic illness, remember gambling isn’t a cure for everything else that is wrong in our lives, it is just a self destructing distraction