I thought there was a group at 8.00am my time but alas no. Just had a look at my last post and am surprising myself about what I’m revealing. This is because I feel, this is a safe place to express my inner thoughts, inner demons…. yep, I have suicide as a deep, secretive thought, it lies there almost as a back up plan, but not one I’m really wanting to carry through and not how I’m feeling right now. 2 to 3 months ago definitly, when I felt completely out of control with this addiction. Back then it seemed the only way out of my demons, this addiction and persistent thoughts of gambling. Why does this happen to us, do you Think and not to others? Why, why, why??? Why me, why you? So much suffering not just for me but for others as well. If not gambling would it have been something else?? I think I have the potential to be a heavier drinker, I love wine, the taste and how it makes me feel but I have chosen to stop for the moment while I deal with gambling. I seem to be able to have control over drinking but not gambling. Why is this do you think? Will there be a time I. My life when I don’t feel as guilty, as lost? Will that continuous thought of wanting to gamble fade with time, will that desire go away. I want it cut our of my brain, to disappear from my thoughts, to stop taking up valuable space, time and control over my life. Completely erased from my body, brain, spirit and LIFE!
