I was still able to describe how I feel in every situation.
I trusted my head, it tells me how much I can afford to lose and how much to gamble, It tells me that my gamble was correct.
I was willing to go to all length to follow the instruction of my head. I am willing to go thru all the inconvenience and trouble to place the gamble.
It felt so real, the reason to do it was so convincing but many times I lost my last dollar this way only to realize what my head tell me was not true. It felt so real but it was not the truth. It was full of false belief, false hope, justification and rationalization, deceit and lies to myself which prompted me to place the first bet and the beginning of a life of self-destruction.
Never trust what my head tell me. Every time I listen to my head, I go back to my old secret ways, I will drink and gamble, I will control, manipulate situations and people. It has been like that on and off for the last 30 years.
It was a shocking truth that I cannot trust my head.
It was very painful to trust it one more time only to see all the destruction it bring back to my life one more time financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally and damage to my relationship with God and family plus recovery.
I must give up any hope listening to my head. I should listen to the Truth. I must stop listening to the head and its way and start following God’s way to the best of my ability.
