Lizbeth & Jonny thanks for your posts and hope you are both keeping well.
I sit here now and openly admit I have screwed my life up, I have had chance after chance so many times and every single time I choose to let my addiction win and I fall back into the habit I only know too well.
I am 40 now and feel totally destroyed, totally drained, down and out, I know it is only how I feel at this point in life and I know tomorrow If I do the right things then it will be that little bit better.
God I know I have destroyed my life and I also know it is all my own doing, I hate the life I lead and the life I have created for myself, I am many things to many people but to myself I am a failure, I am not looking for sympathy and I am not looking for advice, I just want to share as free as I can on my thread, honestly and openly, so for that thanks to GT.
I know what I have to do to survive in life but at the moment I am not doing it and I haven’t been doing it for a while, its up to me and only I can change my life, I am on the edge and if I don’t stop soon I will end up 10 foot under, I know that for sure, I love my wife and I also love my children but even still I choose to gamble, I look at my life and think you are a evil, evil man……..but in truth I am not, I have an addiction that I cannot get under control, I have before but it is running me ragged at the moment, believe what you will it is my life………..my life to destroy or my life to live………
Maverick