Dear diary,
I did a reflection today and thought about something a friend shared with me and something I read about the ways our Higher Power can communicate with us and how we must learn to be sensitive to the Higher Power and connect to the message.
I also thought about the recovery parable on the two wolves, am I feeding my recovery or my addiction.
I have a long history of drifting into the wrong path intentionally or unintentionally all the times.
Praying daily and checking myself regularly become important.
So long as my decision is not harming another person and I am not engaging in self destructive acts, and I am not acting out in selfish and self-seeking ways, it should be safe to go ahead.
Slowly I see myself doing things differently.
Many times, I have to give up my self-will, I maybe tired but doing what my 85 years old mother want actually make her happy, it doesn’t matter anymore and is no longer important whether I am happy or not with her plan, her plan is not important anymore, because sometimes her mind is not sound at this age but doing what she want make her satisfied and pleased in the end.
I am beginning to accumulate a saving, and the message has come to me to give Grace to someone who needs it more than me just like the situation I was in 2 years ago instead of keeping the money for selfish and self-seeking ways such as gambling for my own pleasure.
What surprises me was the message I got to refurnish the bathroom accessories in my family home which will cost me a few hundred dollars.
The Holy Spirit is leading me and telling me to do it, my role was to obey.
My self-will would have tell me to keep the money for myself after all I have my own place and I also need the money to renovate that place. Why don’t I hold on to the money.
I trust my Higher Power. God has promised that His grace is sufficient for us. (II Corinthians 12:9).
After doing the right thing, my fund will drop low without fail.
And I can never understand how everything can actually end well in the end nowadays. I could not have plan it, at least when I did plan it many times in the past, it never work. I actually see my money grow, it never happen to me in the past. In the past, the money come and slip away…..
Just like the promises of the 12 steps recovery program says.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us . We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we couldn’t do for ourselves.
Even though it may be difficult for us to see and understand at this moment of time how this is going to be accomplished later but they do come true.
I experience it. It is all very new to me, the feeling is strange, the ending a happy one.
Many times in life, God don’t need me to understand everything, I don’t know where electricity comes from, I need water but I never care where they come from, I just use what works for me.
I just need to trust and believe in my Higher Power. Have faith and have hope. All will be good in the end by the Grace of God.
