2 incident send me back here to rebuild myself.
Both incident have one thing in common. Both new recovery person I reach out, (my location) have no second thought about putting me at risk. I felt that these people will have no second thought about pulling me underwater to save themselves. Their recovery was more important than mine. Their interest comes first. Recovery was selfish and about their survival.
First person was simply very toxic and negative. It felt like a burden after 10 months near this person. Second person have a habit of punishing others. I felt threaten and disappointed when it happens again after knowing this person for more than 6 years.
It was too much load for me. The day I took a break from them, I felt a new freedom and relieve. I don’t have to check on them, I can focus on my recovery and changing myself full time.
I need to build up myself again. I will return to face them again sometime in the future. I am not ready now, I cannot give what I do not have. I need some time to do personal healing.
