Dear diary
One can read and study the word and the program, but I realized that one will never know what it is like until they have tried and lived it.
Trust, faith and spirituality was something I cannot see.
How do you teach someone to trust and have faith in something they cannot see with the eye when all they see is fruitless attempts, no results, hardship and suffering in life. How do you convince me and others not to give up following God and the 12 steps recovery program when everything still look hopeless and dark.
It was not my timing, I only learn at close to aged 50, I should be ashamed but I was really very glad and grateful to be able to do it properly after so many years. It was the spirituality one receives following the program that kept me safe calm peaceful and joyful. Before we are half way thru the program, we can already see the benefits as mentioned in the promises. I soon found out for myself that the promises was the truth.
I saw my many hopeless and dark situations over the years turn to light, it has given me hope and confident. My trust, and faith in God and the 12 steps recovery program grow, it is no more blind faith that I am following. I have seen the truth.
Step 4 have help me and allow me to watch and know myself better. Attending many meetings also allow me to see how some people around me who practice the same program for many years but have not receive the wisdom and spirituality that so many have received. They become my mirror and teacher.
These people does not treat other people as equal, they do not know how to accept and respect the differences in other people, they try to change other people or situation to tailor fit them, they have to control those people around them to achieve it, when they fail, they will try to remove these people by doing character assassination. They are full of imperfection but expected other people to be perfect for them. There is no “live and let live”.
These people become my mirror, they help me to grow, I can only change myself, I can walk away from these people, places and things, I don’t have to say things or do things to tear them up or hurt them.
Guess the peace and joy I receive come from following the words of God and the 12 steps recovery program. I was never perfect in my life, in my recovery and learning but following and obeying God’s word and the 12 steps recovery program to the best of my ability have change the way I live my life and look at things.
My growth does not come from my wisdom, it was given to me by God and the 12 steps recovery program.
I am taking baby steps, and learning at my own pace and progressing by the grace of God.
