I hope I’m not monopolizing your thread, Chamomile?!
I tend to do that with people. Take an interest and cling on. Maybe it’s part of the obsessive/compulsive behaviour of a gambler.
That aside, I can tell you straight out that no contract, no vow, no bond will stop a CG from gambling if he/she wants to gamble. That’s the scary bit . We put our heart and soul into gambling at the expense of everybody who should mean so much more to us. It is impossible to explain . One we start , gambling controls a CG completely. My analogy for it is driving a car with no brakes. Although you see kids on the kerb, old people crossing , other traffic swerving , you just keep speeding out of control. Its the most scary thing in the world.
You are doing well Chamomile. I’m thinking if I had had someone beside me like you, it would have helped me tremendously to stop gambling. It would also have helped me TO gamble because a CG specialises in manipulating people who are prepared to “lay down their lives” for us. I am assuming , hoping and giving your CG the benefit of the doubt here, but to you I say BE CAREFUL. YOU seem to be doing all the recovery work for him. Why didn’t he go to GA before now? It’s free! He can look at the GA website . One of the things you could do together is read the GA 20 Questions .There are meetings everywhere. Also there is GAMANON for CGs SOs. Perhaps you could attend a few meetings for your personal growth. I’d like to ask how long you know this guy? Is he the dad of your 3 year old? Does he work? How has he funded his gambling habit up to now and the smokies? You needn’t answer those Questions here but make a note of these points if you’re interested to discuss them in your private counselling sessions. By the way, if you’re in the UK you will be entitled to free counselling.
The reason I’m involving myself in your thread, Chamomile is that I sense your sincerity in helping your guy and I also sense your vulnerability, should he ever want to gamble again. Tough Love is what a CG needs. You need to cover all the pros and cons for YOU and for your child in this relationship. Keep your barriers high. Protect yourself emotionally and financially. A CG needs an enabler . We surround ourselves with enablers. Even when we are not active the antenna will suss out potential enablers for the future. I did this consciously and unconsciously . I would like to hear you listing more of the things HE is doing because from what I’m reading it seems that you are carrying the can.
If my husband had stopped enabling me I would have stopped gambling far sooner than I did but he didn’t know how. That’s your task Chamomile. Find ways not to enable your CG (and I don’t just mean giving him money) and let HIM find ways to stop gambling for HIMSELF not for you!
You’re doing well. Keep posting!
