Malcolm being honest I don’t have any personal experience of this situation but I can tell it is very painful for you. Others have given you good advice .. Tonight in group Monique said that painful problems often are at the root of addictions (or something like that).
I think it’s a good idea to contact your son .. It may take him time but baby steps..
My heart bleeds for you when I think of you putting your contact details in that card and waiting and hoping …. But when u do meet your son you will be able to say I tried son..
Malcolm keep writing about your pain. Find new ways to express it .. Drinking or gambling have done little to relieve it .. Write it , share it , … (I’m not sure if poetry is your thing but there is a poetry corner on here) .. Write what u would like to say to your ex, your son , yourself ..
You are a great person. You work hard and make time for your younger son and even his hamster!! This addiction may at times mask for you all that is good about you but it comes through Malcolm..
Keep strong .. We care .. You deserve to be cared about !!