In step 3
We made a decision to turn our will and our life over to the care of God.
In step 4
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
We may still try to keep parts of our heart hidden from God, the support groups and the people. We have devoted these parts to gratifying our addiction, to doing things that are contrary to the will of God. This sets us up for living a double life. A double life which can fill us with guilt, shame and instability. If we choose to live a double life, we may begin to doubt whether God hears us at all.
When we surrender our self-will and follow God’s will, we have to handover the control to God, when we draw close to God, He will draw close to us. When we open up the hidden portions of our heart and trust God, we begin to made choices in favor of recovery, we will soon grow in confident that God desires to help us.
I did not forget the times in recovery not so long ago when I cried out to God but I could not hear or feel God at all, I can only hear my addiction talking. Those were the times when I wanted to “stay stop in gambling” and “gambling at will” all at the same time. I was living a double life.
No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the ONE and love the other, or he will be devoted to the ONE and despise the other. ~Luke 16:13
I cannot serve both God and money.
The stake is too high for me now, I did not want to lose the peace, calm, joy and freedom everyday that my family and me have now for any amount of money big or small.
They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of moral corruption and wickedness—for “people are slaves to whatever has mastered them.” ~ 2 Peter 2:19
The money and alcohol promise me freedom but I become a slave in the end.
I will not gamble and drink, I am walking down a different street.
