Last night i pretty much let it all out…told my CG what is hurting me that is not related to the gambling but my counselor feels is a part of addiction as well…i have been working on me and it feels good…i feel good…i see him trying to get help looking for a place to start and for that im glad and i am praying….But, he has a pattern of avoidance to just get away from a problem he has created instead of addressing it…i want to be there for him and listen ( i understand this is his journey and for that im here to listen and offer help when asked i have not and will not tell him what to do in regards to CG) the problem he has created hes avoiding is me and my hurt to things that are also not related to CG..he does not call or text and he does not live in the house…so any communication i have to initiate..last night i told him enough was enough and he started to blame me saying im snapping at him and twisting his words which i was not at all…he was trying to get out of taking ownership of a situation hes created..i was calm and asking questions and then he finally said it ” I DON’T KNOW HOW TO UNDUE OR TAKE AWAY ALL THE HURT I HAVE PUT ON YOU” I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO YOU OR DO AROUND YOU TO MAKE IT BETTER” I told him that right there was a huge start because up until now he has not admitted it and thats one of the things that has been continuously hurting me…idk whats going to make it better or if its going to get better but avoiding it and pushing it aside most definitely will not…not trying to do anything will most definitely not..i have faith in God all things happen for a reason and i am walking this path hes laid out for me…its hard but im tryin and idk where we will end up…i know my husband and i will always be friends..we have know each other for over 20 years and been together for a total of 17…but i just don’t know if we will make our marriage work…im taking it day by day and not making any decisions while we are in such a place of high emotions and stress…im asking myself each night was today enough and the answers have been No..maybe since we had that discussion it might soon change to Yes…
