Dear diary
I notice that I will be label by people in different support groups, just because I have set up a network of support for myself, I go to many other support groups to do my recovery and I was doing things a little different from them.
I thought they should focus on the fact that I am a part of their group and not on the fact that I go to other places to continue my recovery. I thought the focus should be on my recovery.
Every place I visit, there are successful recovering stories. I choose to focus on this group of recovering people doing well, they not only listen, they follow and practice what they learn. I want to learn from them how they do it.
I don’t want to waste my time on the ones not following the program. Just because they do not do well in the hospital or other recovering places, they will say people there don’t do well. Just because they do not do well in the other support groups, they will label people there as well.
I have learn that some of these people who are very vocal about other groups have secrets they don’t want others to know, one example was borrowing of money without returning in other groups or they have say or do something wrong there. They are very quick to attack, and are very sensitive.
My journey in recovery has been a tedious and long learning process, everywhere I go, there are people like this, there isn’t one place without someone like these in the places I visit such as GA,AA,NA, Hospital support groups, One Hope Center, Blessed Grace Social Services, We Care Center.
I have learn to accept the presence of these people everywhere, what they say and how they feel about me is not important to me at all because my recovery is top priority, not what they say and feel. My God is the center of my recovery program and I follow the 12 steps recovery program. Anyway after a while, all these people always accept me as one of them.
I have no problem accepting these people and ignore the label they gave me, I am thankful to be accepted in the places that these people also go to. I am grateful to God for the awareness, wisdom and mindfulness, I cannot change these people but I can change myself there, I happily work my recovery together with these people. The labeling stop after they know I am doing well.
I was not like this in the beginning, I will feel victimized and sink into self-pity, I may turn into a doormat or people pleaser to win these people. I would be very angry with these people and stop going to these places to do recovery. I may give up and return to alcohol and gambling.
I do not get too bother by these people now. I do not take inventory of what these people are doing, instead I focus on what I am doing and my recovery. I continue to go to these places for support and work my recovery. I have found my balance and happiness.
If I do get bother by these negative people, I talk to the positive ones or I pray and talk to God. It help keep me safe while I persists in my recovery.
It did not happen overnight but the resentments, anger, impatient, self-pity, low self-esteem, fear and insecurity has slowly disappear over time, and I didn’t even notice it.
