I’ve made things worse and I’m at the point now where I feel there is no turning back. I gambled again, getting around the blocker all the while telling myself I could win it back. I did this with my family surrounding me for Christ sakes. I will never be rid of this and all I want to do now is kill myself, I am in a major depression and can’t do anything, sleep, work, take care of myself.
I would estimate that throughout my life I have probably lost 50k, 40k of that alone in the last 3 months.
I know I have no one to blame but myself but that doesn’t make it any easier. My mental and physical health is declining and I know that life is no longer worth living as I can’t live with myself and shame in that my friends, family, and even co workers know about my serious problem.
I’m not the same person anymore and no one wants to be around me which I can’t blame. I can’t go on another day living like this, the pain is unbearable.
I feel like ending my life is selfish but I hope my family will understand, I’m a burden to everyone and anything around me right now.
I’m chronically anxious and looking back it’s hitting me hard the exact extent to what I have done.
It’s impossible to work knowing I’ve blown over a years salary playing a rigged blackjack casino game. It didn’t matter how much I was “UP” I would just keep playing until I had nothing and couldn’t get anymore money.
This may be my last time posting if I have the courage to take that final step and end it.
