Ivan, Really good/bad post. The funny thing is, like me, you are really coherent. I am positive that even as you were playing there was a part of your watching you, wondering what you were doing, saying quit now. The funny thing is, we are predisposed to throwing our money away. Certainly I am. I can play well for a while, win, and then not stop. Until your luck is bound to change, you have a bad beat and make bad decisions.
Your are in my thoughts big man, and I know you will come out of this. You know there is no reason to play, and yet you enjoy the game too much. And I understand that.
Have you spoken to your wife about this? I know I am going to put measures in place to bar me as much as possible. I have no closed down all my poker accounts – I would have to scrabble around for some really dodgy sites to play, so that makes me feel better. But what worries me is what happens when me wife leave stye country, leaving me on my own.
I was just having a cape outside, and suddenly I saw myself playing at limits much higher than I have ever played. Highest I have played as 1/2, but I saw myself playing at 5/10 losing thousands I don’t have. I didn’t see myself winning – the image has really shaken me.
I love you all, and hope to see you all again soon
Mav