to the rest of the world, it looks like i have everything together. i really hate having to pretend that I’m not a compulsive gambler. I answered yes to 18 out of 20 questions. My mind is certainly not clear right now. It’ is very cluttered. I can sense the feelings of irritability. I’m not living in the moment. I think this dullness is what causes me to gamble.
It always start with thinking I know the outcome for one game and it’ll just be one bet. I usually win that bet and I start betting more and more. I have goals that I would stop once I reach them, but I would continue until I lose all my winnings. This pattern has happened more than 10 times in the past 15 years. The times between gambling binges have not been productive either. I would exhibit restlessness, uneasiness. I am now much more mindful of these feelings and GT is a great place for me to express my feelings.
thank you.