Its harsh what you have put yourself through. I and no one here can or will judge. Been there right where you are just with a different game. But the game does not matter. The bad beats good bets bad bets or what ever. All of that is immaterial. The fact is it is not the game choice but the addiction which has to be beaten. It would not have mattered if you were 10k up as you were in the zone and sooner or later would have gambled it all back (with interest) as CGS we can not gamble anywhere on any game. We know that. What you did do though is come back here and share your agony … this is a positive! It shows you want to quit and you want to beat your addiction and not the other way around. I would say that you have like me the gamblers fallacy as to what is and what is not gambling. And what you should or should not fess up here on the forum about. I can only speak for myself when I say if I spend so much as a pound on a scratch card I have gambled. I can not afford that pound. Some would say a scratch card is not gambling its just small money fun. But to me it is. As an addict I can not go near anything that involves placing a wager with the chance to win more. But in the end you came here and did a good thing for yourself.
Focus now on today and then tomorrow and onwards from that point. You can come through this even though I know it feels really bad at the moment.
Everyone here supports you know that!