It seems like every time I start again or take a step forward, I fall harder and take a million steps back. I hate myself and just wish it would stop.
I’ve looked into emotionally unstable personality disorder in more depth today since losing everything this morning, I don’t understand why I have it and why it makes me the way I am. Not only am I fighting the horror that is being a cg but also the delights of mental health issues that I can not control. I’m sorry for whinging on here, I’ve tried to find support all day and nothing has helped me feel better about what I have done.
I declared myself bankrupt on Tuesday which was awful and triggered emotions and feelings that I could not keep control of. I still have not heard anything from the official receiver etc and with everything consuming my mind I wanted to run away and escape like always. I got paid and within 8 hours blew all of my wages. I have paid no rent, no council tax, bills etc and have not a penny left. How can I put my children through this time and time again?? what sort of mother am I? I have no idea what the official receiver will say when they do finally contact me…… I think I have messed up royally and see not a glimmer of light!!
Choked, terrified and alone…… So stupid!!!