Romans 7:14-25
14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin.
15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.
17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.
18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.
19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.
20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
The Thorn in the Flesh – 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
7 And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure.
8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me.
9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”
Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Dear diary,
I suddenly panic ( panick attack – overpowering feeling of fear affecting me immediately )and pressed the self-destructive button. I watch and notice how my heart, mind and action were not in line. I knew I was not well but I did not stop myself.
My experience did not help me. I did not do what my mind tell me to do and did what I was not supposed to to do.
My willpower and determination fail me. My action was trigger and influence by the thing I see around me and the feeling inside my heart.
I have fail countless times everytime depending on my own strength. On my own free will, my ignorant, foolishness and arogant self chose not to flee from the devil. It was a mistake to dance with the devil.
After my wrongdoing, I wanted to avoid all these people I love, trusted and disappoint, I was ashamed to face them. I make the mistake and they have to pay the price for loving me. I have hurt them and damage our relationship.
I have lost this battle one more time. Awareness of my weakness concerning sin is not the end of my road. I must keep soldiering on and win this war for the glory of God. I am not giving up!
Do you know where to turn for strength?
I am sure God will show His perfect strenght in my weakness. Amen!