It is hard to believe but I managed to let that pain fade so far into the past that it didn’t hold as much threat somehow. I had stayed gamble free for 5 and a half years. For me I know it was that I no longer was using my support systems. I no longer read or posted at GT and hadn’t for probably a year or so anyway. I hadn’t gone to a GA meeting in a year, and probably a year before that one as well. Just to pick up my 4 and 5 year chips and accept handshakes. I hadn’t been attending any sort of counseling for at least a couple years. I had stopped working my step work with a recovery mate. My health was on the downward spiral again and my relationship was right behind it so I was depressed I’m sure and just tired of having to stiff upper lip it all the time and be told that I’m a big baby at the same time. So guess what? Everything was the same as the last time I started. The only thing that saved me from some of the horror of before is that I was on a much shorter financial and unaccounted for time leash. I have managed to put the breaks on again. 1 year. I’ve spent a lot of time of time here in an effort to hold myself accountable. I’ve discussed all details of finances with hubby. It never changed since the last time I gambled. It’s still no worth it. I’m hoping that this time I have finally let the gambler go. Take care Johnny! Good post.
Laura