Hi again Tara, I now you read my thread so you now I had relationships with two CG’s at different times and they could not be more different. Just because someone has an addiction they don’t all have the same traits although they may have similar habits to mask the addiction. My first CG (in denial) partner was emotionally abusive in the extreme and though he never hit me would make me think he was about to so I had that implied threat hanging over me. He would disappear for days, chuck me out, make me do emotional tests to see if I was worthy. He was cold, insulting and very manipulative not just about the gambling but in every way.
My second partner told me from day one he was a CG and was reluctant to get involved due to this. Although he lied to me many times in the past about his gambling and could not be trust around money he has always been kind, supportive and loving. He would never put me down or raise a hand to me and even in his worst states would still wish to protect me and keep me safe. His history of gambling has got him in to far more trouble than my first partner so it is not the severity of the gambling that has made this difference, it is the underlying personality of the person, at least that is what I believe.
Well done for doing such a brave thing and putting yourself first. It is not about what is the cause of the behavior really though, it is about what you are prepared and able to take before you take a step back. Once you have taken that step back it is a lot easier to see the wood from the trees and whether or not there is a way forward (ie will things change if he gets treatment or will the problems still be there, is there a way I can protect myself from aspects of his behavior or are they a part of his personality that are not good for me).
No addiction in my view is an excuse for actively abusing another person although that is not to say people do not get hurt emotionally or financially as a result of CG because they do.
Hope this helps clear things up for you a bit, Lilly x