I thought I hit my bottom countless times and always managed to get back up. Maybe that’s my problem. This relapse was not a messy as the others. Maybe I needed to prove to myself that weather it’s my “game of choice” or another path ( playing things I normally do not) the results will be the same. I have to figure out a way to have no access to money and I doubt that will happen.. I have been giving my other half quite a bit over the last several months and he is not to give it back under no circumstances. Even with that in place I still control my money and it’s too difficult to let him control all of it… long story. Again this time was not as messy all my bills are paid and I still have money however if I think about the last several relapses they would not have happened or at least not as much money would of been lost if I did not have money…. I will figure something out.
