I think it was Peacegirl who asked why we continue to post even when we have gamble free time. It really made me think and for me it makes me accountable. It also made me think of the word “trust” and I know that I don’t trust myself around machines. I know that the urges and thoughts don’t come as often if you have some time since your last bet, but out of the blue they still come. If I was not posting here would I say to heck with it and go and play those machines. I know that I don’t trust myself not to play them, so I continue to post. I know that when I first started recovery and I am not talking about all the times I stopped before I came to GT, when I got to a week. I am talking about when I joined GT and then went on a week’s gambling binge. I slowly worked on it and got to 90 days, and I thought I had it beat LOL I was devastated, how could I have been so stupid to gamble again. I had other milestones along the way and had many Day 1’s. The difference now is I know that I don’t have it beat like I did the first time I got to 90 days. I know that if I put one dollar in a machine it will be the same old story. I feel bad about the amount of money that I wasted. I now have a different perspective of money and now that we are wanting to retire I think, if only I had all that money in our account. I know that it will not magically appear and there is no such thing as a BIG WIN for a compulsive gambler. We all learn from one another and I know that it gave me hope when others who had gamble free time posted. It also helped me when others who had a slip/gambled posted. I don’t know how many times I came and posted after a slip/gambling and I found support and caring here on GT. I know that when I read about anyone who has slipped/gambled I feel for that person and want to support them. We all want to help one another with this horrible addiction and although I may have some gamble free time now, I also know that I am not cured, and just like that it could be me posting that I am on Day 1. I believe that gamble free time means we don’t get the thoughts/urges as often, but we have to still be on guard when they do come, we also know that we are all the same when it comes to placing the next bet. I wish that there was no such thing as a compulsive gambler and addiction to gambling and all I can do is hope and pray that we can all have a gamble free day today!!! It took me a long time to accept that I am powerless with slot machines. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I said this prayer so many times when I started recovery and I continue to use it. I am a compulsive gambler is hard to accept, but I am, no matter how much I want to change it, I have to accept it.
