I hate this disease and what it does to so many wonderful and caring people. I read the pain that is written by so many as they struggle with this addiction. There is no easy or magic pill to keep us away from gambling, in my case, slot machines. How can it turn people into doing things they would never consider doing under normal circumstances. I remember pay day was a trigger for me as I had money I could gamble again. I went from someone who always paid their bills on time to this person who did not care about that any more, but wanted the money to put in machines. The reason I went for help was that I was devastated on how much money I had lost. I believe that is the main reason anyone goes for help. I could not believe that I was addicted to slot machines. How could any normal, intelligent person sit and watch machines go round and keep feeding money into them. It does not make sense, but it is what happens. The addictive brain does not see it like that though, all we want is the high, the buzz or whatever we want to call it, or is it just to escape. I don’t know what the hell it is, but it causes so much pain and suffering to so many. I am angry about this right now. I don’t want people to have to go through all this. The funny thing is I am so mad about it that I want to run to and play a slot machine. Now how frigging stupid is that. I have to calm down and breath as this is not helping me. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I am getting out my anger and frustration and I apologize if my words offend anyone.
