I hate these days after. It doesn’t matter what is going on in your life, you just feel numb. This last weekend was devastating in so many ways. At the beginning of the year, I was so excited to be able to earn my own money. I have nothing to show for it. Still more loss. Trying to forgive myself and move on. Things have been strained around here with my husband, but tonight we had a talk about things. It is very hard for us to talk about my gambling. Tomorrow, we are going away to celebrate my birthday. I so wanted to have a gamble-free May, so I could really enjoy myself. I am trying to look at this weekend, my birthday, as a new beginning, a time to start over. I will be 57 and I was born in 1957, so maybe that is a good omen. My husband made all the plans for this weekend, which is so sweet, and not typical of him. I am going to try to put this behind us and do everything I can to show my gratitude. All I keep thinking is that I don’t deserve this. It is so hard for me to forgive myself for what I have done to us.
