I had a day, not long ago when I wanted to gamble just for the sake of it. I explained to myself: no, I cannot win long term; no, I cannot win even short term because I’m a compulsive gambler and will just lose; yes, it will bring misery and regret; yes, I will hate myself
And then I asked myself do I still want to gamble? And the answer was resounding YESSSSS!!!
I knew I could only get $200 maybe $300 online, I knew I would lose that money 100% and I was fine with it. I knew that money would last anywhere from 20 minutes to 3 hours and I was ok with it. It was worth it – losing $300 was worth it. That’s how I felt.
And if it wasn’t for this forum I would have gambled that day and on many other days and I would go to my old ways. But somehow, miraculously I found the strength to come here and read posts and the urge subsided. I’ve been clean for 62 days now and on at least ten different occasions I came very, very close to gambling.
Gambling is one scary addiction. The more I learn about it the scarier it gets. It has slick ways of messing with out mind.