I do not plan on gambling today. I remember when I would not post until the end of the day that I did not gamble. Even today if I post in the morning I always say that I do not plan on gambling. I know that we can write to not gamble for the day, but if we don’t really commit to it from the inside we wont do it. I don’t know what I mean by the inside, but it has to come from within, is it our head or our heart that has to commit.
As compulsive gamblers I believe we want instant gratification. It is like playing a machine, watching a horse race we get the high as we are watching for the BIG WIN. We know that this is the spin that is going to change our life, or the horse is a sure thing, or it could be a good hand at cards. We all have our own poison and we convince ourselves that we are just about to get the big one. If our “sane brain” is working we know that it is random and there are no guarantees with machines, but if the gambling brain is our thinking brain we don’t think that way.
I believe for me that is why I had a challenge about focusing on just today ODAAT. Once I decided that I was not gambling again and again on the many Day 1’s I needed to have gamble free time and I wanted it NOW. In my mind it is like going on a diet to lose weight, we made the commitment and we want to see instant results. I really have to work at working on today as it is the only way that we can do it, well at least for me.
I was out at a function a couple of evenings ago and there were vlt’s there and you know I looked at them, but did not really think about them, they were just there. I was in the same place with those machines in November, 2012 when I had three weeks gamble free and they were on my mind constantly. I had to struggle not to play them at that time, and yet this time I did see them, but they did not take up all my head space. I know if I had put one dollar in that I would not be sitting here posting this morning, but I would be waiting for the Casino to open, and plotting how I was going to get money and sneak around and gamble. Life is complicated enough without adding that to it.
I do not plan on gambling today. I pray that we all have a gamble free day!!!
