Dear diary
We had a meeting on Monday. It was announce a new office was set up in a neighboring country and we were replaced. The graveyard shift was moved to join the day team.
My working hours changed from 8pm to 8 am to 7.30am to 4.30pm, I struggle adapting to the this change, and I suffer from insomnia.
My income drop by more than 200 dollars which is my allowance for working in the night every month.
Many things changes at work suddenly, I feel that I do not have enough or any support or additional training I require to do the job, I fear that I do not know what to do and how to do and I worried that I cannot do my work anymore. Something that I was efficient for more than 2 years.
My salary for the month of October was late and not paid since 3rd Oct 2016.
We are a small team of 6 person. One have resigned and one is going on long leave now.
What am I going to do? This is not the most honest company I know, they are very reluctance to payout according to the law and are trying to bend the rules. This is the only fact and truth I am reminding myself to leave this company fearlessly when it is jeopardizing my recovery. I must have the courage to walk away from a job and pay that I was comfortable for more than 2 years.
Anxiety and insecurity about uncertainty at work and fear of loss of my income if I resigned is high now. I can see how it is affecting me, I am slowing down and taking a step back ever ready to change my direction to protect my recovery. I am waiting to see what is happening at work and waiting for things to clear up before making any major decision, I am going to be patience and not act impulsively by throwing in my resignation, I will do nothing and wait.
I choose to wait and see. I went to see a government doctor for my anxiety and depress feeling and tell them what is happening to me. I am not pretending everything is fine. I allow the company to know.
The doctor gave me 3 days rest with no medication, this is a compliment to my recovery, the doctor can see I am not suffering from depression and I am not going to act out in my addiction, I am just feeling anxious and depress. The company must have been concern I approach any government institution and immediately return me my 5 days off in lieu which is overdue.
I am now on leave all the way until 20th November 2016, I have so many days to rest now.
What is my price?
I must be prepared to lose this job. I must have acceptance and be prepared for a less lucrative job. I cannot change people and situation but I can change myself. I must not take my eyes away from God and the 12 steps recovery program.
My recovery is more important than my job and income. I am not drinking or gambling as a result of my job and money. I am walking down a different street.
