Hi Blackjack – you wrote: “So basically I finally realized it didnt matter what I won it was never enough and I always chased the money. ”
How long it takes for us to find that out. I think I knew within a year or two of gambling that it was the case for me – and yet I continued gamble for another twenty years.
I sometimes wonder if it is about money at all. You wrote that you lost 83K in savings you had stashed away. What were you planning to do with the money?
I think if I had been asked in the midst of my gambling, what I would do with the big win, I would be hard pushed to answer. I would probably mutter something vague about a bigger house or nicer car, but the truth was – I didn’t really have any other interests except gambling and finding ways to make money so I could gamble more.
I did a lot of soul searching into “what is the life that I really want” and then I had to do a lot more work to overcome the feeling (illogical but there) that I deserved that life. And you know what? That life doesn’t cost that much. I could have had it much earlier by concentrating on making it happen instead of the buzz of gambling.
So don’t focus on the money, don’t focus on trying to get it back – it is gone. You will need to address your debts – get good financial advice, but also get help on making a better gamble free life for yourself. Find support groups, research the internet, see if you can get free counselling or life planning in your area. Keep posting here and maybe try out the group sessions to talk to other recoverers in real time. I wish you well.