Hi Zed,
Yes that sounds familiar .
The waking in the middle of the night panic striken but gambling anyway .
The suicidal thoughts
The. Feeling I just can’t stop
I would advise that u put a gambling blocker on your phone or laptop of both. Then if u wake up and u want to bet u can’t ! I have betfilter for iPhone- a bit tricky to set up but gives me such freedom .
Talk to your creditors and get a sensible repayment plan .
Join GA or attend groups here or best of all do both .
Hats my advice using the information you have given .
I have struggled for years with this addiction so I know how hard it is to stop- and it’s nearly impossible without support .
Well done on seeking help .
Please know you can stop .
Keep posting