You have just send me an answer. I knew something was wrong but I do not have the wisdom to know what was and cannot find the word to describe them until now.
I was made a minority in the office, I was the only local in a team of 6. Most of them come from a nearby asian catholic country of 100 millions. There are only 3.5 million local in this piece of land of measuring 50 km from east to west and 27 km from north to south, it is a very small country.
Psalm 62 describe people who take delight in lie; they blessed with their mouth and curse with their heart. These words remind me of these “always smiling and friendly” people who will gang up to victimize the lonely one to keep their job.
They are not underpaid here, one year of salary here can fully paid up one condominum in their home country, the same condominium here will cost me at least 26 years of salary…this explain why they are willing to do what they are doing for money, for them is about building their wealth and getting rich, for me here is about covering living expenses and survival.
They are the foreign talent who are expected to be able to do more than the local like me, unfortunately I am a proven average performer who become a top performer among this group of under performing foreigners in the office “again”, during the first 3 months I am here.
Thank God, I am fully aware that I was a sinner and wrong for me to judge and condemn others. The vengence is not mine, let God.
In reality, if I do not know how to love these unlovable people, how could a “selfish, self-centered, self seeking” gambler like me know how to treasure and love the lovable family members and friends around me.
God has help me to do things I cannot do in recovery for many years now, all the good things that has happen felt like a miracle to me. My family will never imagine this day when an irresponsible gambler like me can bring home money every month. God has promise to provide, God has delivered. I saw myself broken and bankrupt, I never dream that one day I can handover a near 6 figure lump sum to my enabler to made amend, God has made the impossible possible, this day is nearing. Recovery is full of wonderful hope!
Thank God for teaching me to be humble and loving.