I have read your post here and appreciate you writing about your experience and how you lashed out to your love ones. I feel like I am in the same boat. It is now easier to understand, but at the same time it doesnt make it right or help. I know my BF loves me and I’m the only one in his life that he feels connected to its hard for him to understand when he loses how much of it he takes it out on me. He has told me several times to ignore him, but it definitely at times hard to ignore the mean hateful things he says about me or towards me. Constantly blaming me for not stopping him gamble or not helping motivate him with work, to nasty name calling, and such abusive wording. When he gets a moment of relief then he apologizes and says its worse for him in his head. Now reading more its hard to tell if he was trying to manipulate me or if he is sincere when he “apologizes”.
Did you feel like you had such a powerful hatered toward yourself? I’m just curious because he has told me the past few months that he hates himself so much. I understand why and even more so after learning more about addiction, but it still sucks for me to hear the man I love hates himself so much. Hates what he has done to his life and hates what he has done to me.
I agree in fighting in the right direction as well. In the past week my BF has tried to break up with me 10 or more times. I keep fighting because I love him and I know if we weren’t in this “situation” he would never want to break up with me or at least not like this. He finally admitted i was right about a lot of things especially for how awful he has been to me and is shocked I am still fighting for us to be together. At times I had held my tongue and not fought him, but when I know he isn’t thinking clear this isn’t the time to make irrational decisions.