You are right, I was writing about the present.
It was all about what is happening to me now, what I am going thru and what was my feeling. I am no different from Sister Monica, Lizbeth4, Jen, Laura, I did it and you. Everything must happen for a reason.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:11-13)
The most terrible relapse has happen to me, I did not think it was possible after all my years of experience in gambling and recovery. It was a sign. Thank God.
I guess this is the passage I have to go thru before I learn how to surrender 100% to God.