Hope you had an enjoyable few days of celebrations. Thanks again for the message. The more i engage in this the more thereputic i find it and its so comforting to lnow there are other people there for support.
I know that my relationship isn’t healthy and all i can do it be as honest as i can with my cg and hope that he wants to be that honest with me too. I’m still working towards a discussion about his gambling but that’s still a future dream/hope.
I am starting to take care of myself. I do need that more. I have a girls holiday coming up which I’m excited about. Obviously i will be leaving CG behind but I’m much clearer now on the “I’m responsible for me, you are responsible for you” so am less worried about leaving him behind.
I’m trying option number 4 more and more and my post above was my first start in this. Yesterday CG told me about money that he has now saved for a car. I praised him on having the money to do something positive and said i hoped he did something really positive with it. Now its just fingers crossed and see if he can deliver on it!!
Today CG also discussed that it is likely that he will be taking a week off for an upcoming event which indulges his favourite form of gambling. From what i know of his brother already doing this before. It is a week off, in the pub gambling for the whole day, for a whole week.
Obviously i would much prefer for CG to be in work ( and even if he was he would only work in the morning so there is still plenty of pub time). I don’t even know how to deal with this. Saying anything negative goes against my whole “you decide” attitude. But the idea of him spending a whole week in the pub drinking and gambling fills me with dread.
I think the status quo has come about as i see it now that i am making his life easier rather thank making it better. They are two separate things. I don’t know how to break the cycle. I want to stand my ground but he will see it as an ultimatum. He will push away and that kills me.
CG isn’t speaking to me and i am about to go away on a work trip ( to where cg and i should have gone away). Everything is up in the air. Which is stressful for me as a fixer. I just have to let the land lie now i guess.
I won’t be in the group chat this week as i will be travelling. Hopefully i will be back (and on time) next week. Meanwhile i will keep posting