HI V
nThere was no need to apologise for the length of your post, I would imagine it was very painful to write.
nIt is hard to love someone who is obviously struggling but will not seek support and seems hell-bent on carrying on with destructive behaviour; it is so important V, that you do what is right for you.
nThe addiction to gamble is not about money; the actual gamble is all that matters. Money to a compulsive gambler is a tool, a means to an end, it is not the goal. Your husband is drawing out massive amounts of money to satisfy his addiction while you are paying the bills and even contemplating paying for a procedure for him, even though you have separated. In effect, all the money you are saving him, by paying for his health and well-being, is being squandered to satisfy his insatiable addiction.
nYou have trusted you husband for many years but in my opinion, it is time to realise that he cannot be trusted anymore, it is time to recognise the depth of his addiction and to know that it will take you all the way down with it, if you allow it.
nI know that he can control his addiction V or I would not be writing to you, I know that he neither asked for nor wanted it – but having got it, he does need the right treatment. Many gamblers have to hurt themselves before they find the courage to face their addiction and seek treatment but it seems to me, at the moment, the only person being hurt by his behaviour is you.
nI cannot tell you to leave your husband or to stay with him, all decisions must be yours but the right decisions are best made with knowledge.
nA compulsive gambler is usually a master of threats and manipulation but you are not and nor should you have to be. It is unwise to threaten anything unless you are fully prepared and able to carry the threat through because if you give in, along the way, the addiction will see it as a green light, an open door to carry on unabated.
nMaybe you could download the 20-Questions from the Gamblers Anonymous website and leave them for him to see he might not be aware that his addiction is recognised and that he is not alone. Personally, I think it is good to let it be known that you are seeking support for yourself, that you are taking his problem seriously, even if he will not.
nPlease keep posting V. it is a lonely life worrying about a husband with a gambling addiction. Do you have friends and family that can/will support you, hopefully without passing unhelpful opinions.
nVelvet
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