HI Toyman, what an intelligent man you are.
It amazes me that someone without a gambling disorder could come up with the analogy of a “host”.
That is exactly what it feels like …like your mind control has been taken over…you correctly understand that when this happens there is little choice involved ..it is compulsive .
There is a video clip on the national geographic website about Zombie snails. These snails become host to a virus which “asserts mind control ” so that the snails ( which normally stay in the dark) will climb right to the tree tops and into the sunshine so that they can be eaten by birds !!! Gambling feels a bit like that to me.
The “choice” we have is in having barriers in place so that when the host decides to take over there is nothing to feed it.
I think you have made some great decisions but please put blockers on all your devices. K9 is free, easy to install and uninstall. You get a password and can set it just to stop gambling websites being accessed. You just have to google k9 to download it. It is not fool-proof but quite good nonetheless.
I cannot speak for your wife but I know I developed a gambling disorder after having a very traumatic experience, so perhaps your wife’s experiences could be contributing to her disorder. It is a great idea for your wife to get some form of counselling therefore.
These is lots of research which indicates that some genes need environmental triggers to be expressed, and without these they will remain dormant. It could be so with gambling. It may be a mixture of “nature and nurture” but research hasn’t reached that stage yet.
GA was not for me either, and I made it Into recovery without it. I believe everyone of us is different, and will succeed with an individualised approach. I do not like the idea of GA for two main reasons
1. My gambling disorder was triggered following a very traumatic event, which I certainly would not feel comfortable discussing in front of a room full of strangers
2. I really only managed to control the disorder when I stopped labelling myself a “cg”. I know I am so much more than that . It made the disorder seem smaller, more manageable. This is what worked for me, . Your wife may feel differently . ..but recovery does happen without GA.
You are not controlling your wife. You are only controlling the finances to protect your wife and your family . This is not a decision you have taken lightly, and it does not come easily to you, as you are naturally a generous person. In time your wife will be grateful for this .
If I can comment on the issue between your son and your wife. Your son may well have upset your wife. Children do that to us sometimes …she may have used gambling to escape from this upset (it’s really good if she can identify triggers…I never could ). This does not mean that your wife is blaming your son in any way for her gambling disorder, which I think you know anyway . It could mean she is using gambling to escape from uncomfortable stuff.
What can I say Toyman , you are an amazing and supportive husband . You are hardworking and also now have the burden of trying to monitor your wife’s gambling disorder. Read all the advice you are given . All of us on this site are either people with a gambling disorder or the friends and family of people with a gambling disorder.
We will all carry our own baggage and this will influence how we respond to each other.
Take on board what you feel will work for you and your wife, and disregard the rest.
One last thing . There is a supplement which helped me and some other people I know. If we are to go with the genetic link theory , we might well be deficient in something we need to be healthy
This supplement has been researched and has been found to reduce urges to gamble in some people with a gambling disorder. It is called NAC. I bought mine in a local health food shop but it is much cheaper on line. It does interact with some other drugs and also causes some side effects like nausea but might be worth checking out. I only took it when I was caught up in the cycle .
Hope my post has been helpful to you Toyman. Praying for you and your wife…