Hi Tnkerbell
I’m sorry you got the impression that I thought your boyfriend was a bad man because I am very, very aware that good people have the addiction to gamble – the sad thing is that they do terrible things as a result of the addiction and it is the addiction that doesn’t like to be thwarted and can turn good people into the ****holes that Charles mentioned.
You are very mature when you understand why he has turned to someone else – I know of many CGs who have left good relationships for someone willing to enable or (as you put it offer it on a plate) when enablement has stopped – but enablement will always be wrong. You tried to show him by withdrawing into yourself what he would lose and he either unwillingly or unwittingly mistook your motive.
I can’t really comment on the facebook problem as I personally do not do or like facebook. If she is enabling him then she will have to find her own way to deal with it because enablement feeds the addiction and the longer it goes on, the bigger it gets.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, I’m not sure which) crystal balls are not available so I cannot know your boyfriend’s outcome. What I do know from reading your posts is that you are a caring loving person who deserves to be cared for and loved and I hope you will keep seeing your good friends and focusing on yourself.
You asked how long gambling affected Charles’s life and I will tell you that it affected my CGs life for 25 years but he now lives in control of his addiction and is happy, healthy, kind and understanding. I believe that because I unwittingly enabled for 23 of those years it probably took him longer to reach the point where he had had enough. Losing you hopefully will bring your boyfriend to that point quicker.
As Charles so rightly says you can get past this.
Velvet
