Just been reading through your posts. Oh boy, I remember when I told my husband, I was physically ill. I got all my (our) debt letters, put them on the kitchen table and waited for him to get home.
I can’t remember the exact words…..something like, we are in big trouble and it’s all my doing.
So, it wasn’t a great day. He yelled, he paced, I cried and said over and over how sorry I was.
It took up 5 years to pay off the debt. He didn’t leave and it’s probably now, years later that I realise how much he must have loved me, to stay, to work it out.
Our secrets keep us sick. I can hear it in your posts, I remember all too well the ball in my stomach that would never ever go away.
But I also remember when it did. I didn’t feel normal, I had been in action for 15 years.
Not having that sick feeling was amazing, it did take a little getting used to though.
Every day you don’t gamble makes you a little bit stronger, every day you don’t gamble lifts the fog in your brain, which then allows ‘normal’ thoughts to filter in.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. I don’t know what your partner is going to do. I’d love to say all will be well, but we both know it’s not a given. All the advice you have been given is great advice. Keep reading, knowledge is power against this horrible addiction. You will find the strength to do this, it will happen when you are ready, just know that no matter what happens, we are all here for you. In the end you need to look after yourself, you need to work recovery and ensure you can keep yourself safe.
Anyway, I just really wanted to say hi, and I look forward to reading more from you.
Love K xxx
