Hi Tina ,
Thank you for your support on my thread .
I have just read through yours in full- although we have met in the groups
Tina I never could bring myself to be honest with my husband .
I was doing so well in recovery – when hubby and child were going away – they left an “un-blocked” laptop behind . I wanted to say please take that with you and lock in the car boot at the airport . I l couldn’t Bring myself to and reasoned I would be ok. I was for a short while and then I wasn’t – I gambled . It wasn’t a shattering amount ( I have not lost a shattering amount in over two years which is good – although I have sometimes left myself short – I put this down to my continuing to use this site – although I find the groups so much more helpful than the forums ) . However I was completely gutted by my loss – not the money- but the loss of the days I had been counting.- I shared it in several groups and got great support from most People-. I am back on the wagon again.
Here is one of many occasions where honesty would have saved me a lot of grief .
I am not advising you do what I do by any means – (not telling. Your partner ) but I have managed to pay off a lot of debt – I Have done this by depriving myself of the lovely clothes and make up I used to buy- hairdos are cheap, not great and certainly not regular. I haven’t had a manicure or pedicure in years . I am pale and interesting wi rather than spray tanned – you get the drift? … But I have managed to pay off a lot of debt !
For me , I think my husband wouldn’t leave and even if he did I would survive – more than survive – on my own . It wouldn’t be my biggest worry – my huge worry would be that he would tell other people – like maybe go to gamanon, or tell his family. .
If he did he wouldn’t have to worry about leaving – I would leave him.
My biggest fear always has been people knowing – and even on here if anything threatens my anonymity i shake like a leaf
This would threaten my mental well being more than any gambling .
I think maybe you could start looking at the debt and ways to deal with it as telling. Your partner seems to be a stumbling block for you – I so get that – it is the same for me .
Charles gave you excellent advice that actions speak louder than words . If you already have a plan in place and are actively dealing with your debt it might be that you find it easier to tell your partner .
I hope you find my post helpful -of course the right thing to do is to tell your partner – but as it seems to be difficult for you right now – maybe focus on getting plans in place .
Just my tuppence worth for my experience
As for the suicidal thoughts- I get them Every time I gamble and every time I wake up with a hangover – don’t get me wrong I’m nowhere near suicidal – it’s just the fleeting thoughts come – maybe they come to lots of People who never say .
But we are here and we are seeking the support we need , and maybe will always need – we are ok!
Hope this. helps